Random Tortall Talk Show
by WinterLake25
Summary: This is a Random Talk Show. Be prepared of all kinds of OCC stuff. Just click it to find out more. Click? R&R! FLAMES EXCEPTED!New! ON HIATUS UNLESS REQUESTED. IT'S BECAUSE OF THE TP SPLIT.
1. It begins

**Okay, I've got Writer's Block with the Kel and Alanna story, so here is a random talk show type thing with the first feature of Taya. WARNING: Do not read if you hate it when everyone calls Neal Meathead. This is slightly Kel/Dom. Everyone is mean to Neal. Don't say I didn't warn you.**

* * *

Chapter 1 It begins

"Are we on?"

"That we are, Miss Taya!"

"Let's rock it!"

(Curtains rise. A girl with darkish hair and greenish eyes wearing a dress tunic and a pair of comfy breeches and nice leather boots is on the stage. She adjusts her glasses.)

"Hi everyone! And welcome to our first Random Tortall talk show. Reviewer feed back is important , so REVIEW Oh, by the way, I don't own anything. Tamora Pierce created everyone except for me. Let's start the show! Wait, Let's change this to play format. Okay, on the next person. Anyways, our guests today are: Meathead, Kel, Dom, Raoul, Alanna, and George. Warning: Random Tortall people may appear."

(Above mentioned guests appear. Meathead has a sour face.)

Meathead: STOP CALLING ME MEATHEAD!!!!!!

Taya, Kel, and Dom: Um, Meathead…

Meathead: WHAT DID I JUST SAY!!!!

Taya: Meathead, you have too many exclamation marks.

Meathead: STOP CALLING ME MEATHEAD!

Alanna: Would my insolent former squire like to spar?

Yuki: (appears out of nowhere and hits Neal with her fan.) That's not very nice Nealan. (She disappears.)

Neal: (mutters under his breath.) Can we move on?

Kel and Dom: No.

Neal: And they still don't admit they like each other.

(Kel and Dom both blush…)

Raoul: I'm being neglected! I feel unloved!

Neal: I think I have the most lines. Wait! What's with all of the Meatheads! Dom, you are going to pay…

Everyone: Shut up Meathead!

(Neal mutters under his breath again. Taya sighs and adjusts her glasses again.)

Raoul: Still forgotten.

Taya: I can hear you, Raoul.

Alanna: Does anyone want to spar?

Everyone: NO!

Kel: Wait, I want to.

(Everyone cheers. Dom kisses Kel on the cheek. George comes out of nowhere and kisses Alanna. Jon appears out of nowhere…)

Jon: Hey! I'm the King! Why wasn't I invited.

Taya: I was going to invite kind of important SotL characters next. This is a Protecter of the Small theme.

Jon: Oh.

Raoul: Still forgotten. Can I joust Kel?

Kel:No!

Taya: (sighs) This is pointless. I am going to go to the library.

Neal: I'm coming with you. I need to find that book on Immortals. Did you know that unicorns can breed with…

Everyone: Shut it, Meathead!

Neal: Did I ever mention Taya looks like my daughter.

Taya: I am going to the library.

* * *

**How was it? REVIEW PLEASE! I beg you. If you don't then I will send you a Zhanneh Bitterclaws with her entire stormwing nation. Okay maybe not that far. Still, please, please, please,please,please review. There's going to be singing nex time. **


	2. Song of the Lioness Reunion 1

**Okay, episode 2. This is a Song of the Lioness theme. There will of course, be other people, but this is mostly SotL themed.**

**Disclaimer- I don't any characters except Taya and her "backstage help." I don't own any of the songs featured in this feature.**

Taya looked around her messy "office area." It was perfect, except of the lack of review mails. She rubbed her eyes tiredly. She needed more mail in order to continue the show. She quickly polished her glasses, and straightened her tunic. She could deal with reviews later. She sighed. The show would be on within a matter of minutes and she had too deal with a hyper Jon.

"Miss Taya, it's 'bout t'start."

"I'm coming."

Taya: Welcome to our second show. I have to admit, I'm a little disappointed in the lack of reviews. Please? Review? Well, this time, our guests are Alanna, George, Raoul, Buri, Jon, Thayet, Myles, and Francis of Nond. Okay, here we go.

(The said guests enter. Surprisingly Francis looks to be about the same age as everyone else.)

Jon: Isn't Francis dead here's a dead person here.

Taya: He is alive for unexplainable reasons for this show. Just be glad you were even invited Jon. Anyways, I think Alanna suggested a singing match when I invited her?

Alanna: Yes! I was thinking that we could make a complete moron out of the King! I don't even have to beat him up in the practice courts.

Raoul: I don't have to pop him out of the saddle!

Taya: Okay. I guess you all have a song?

Guests: Oh yeah!

George. Um, can my lassie sing for me? Last time I sang, it didn't sound so good.

Taya: George, ya have to sing.

Jon: (sing-song like) I'm not last, I'm not last.

Everyone: SHUT UP!!!

Taya: Um, okay. Who's first?

Alanna and Jon: ME! ME! ME!

Raoul and George: I'm going last.

(Buri and Thayet shrug, while Francis just floats around.)

Taya: Okay, we have five judges. They are: Meathead, Myles, Junai, Kaddar, and Beka. They have been brained washed of all favoritism. It's fair. I'll just stand by as a commentator. However, if this takes too long, I think I'll post this singing match as 2-3 chapters. Okay, Alanna and Jon, rock, paper, scissors.

(Jon wins, leaving Alanna with a mischievous smile on her face.

Jon: I'm singing "Once Upon a December" from the movie "Anastasia".

_Dancing bears,_

_Painted wings,_

_Things I almost remember._

_And a song, someone sings._

_Once upon a December._

_Someone holds me safe and warm,_

_Horses prance through a silver storm._

_Figures dancing gracefully,_

_Across my memory._

_Far away, long ago,_

_Glowing dim as an ember._

_Things my heart, used to know,_

_Once upon a December._

(Everyone claps half-heartedly, causing Jon to pout.)

Taya: Um, judges? This is the first round of elimination. You can get rid of half of the people. Wait, we have seven people, don't we?

Everyone: Umm-hmm.

Taya: (sighs) Okay. Liam is in this too.

(Liam pops out of nowhere.)

Liam: Hi. If anyone uses magic, I will shoot them with the arrows that killed me.

Jon: DEAD PERSON!!!

Taya: Judges?

Meathead: STOP CALLING ME MEATHEAD!!! Anyways, THAT WAS AWFUL. EVEN MY HORRIBLE SINGING IS BETTER THAN THAT!

Jon: TREASON!

Taya: Jon, you either remain silent, or you are immediately eliminated.

Myles: What? Can someone pass me another beer?

Taya: Forget Myles. (Snaps fingers and magically transports Myles away.)

Liam: MAGIC!

(Taya and Alanna duct tape Liam like a mummy and then continue with the show.)

Junai: Yeah, I think he should be eliminated, no comments.

Kaddar: Oh yeah.

Beka: I am usually nice, but I seriously think that was bad.

Taya: Okay. Jon, since the judges are in agreement, you're gone.

Jon: NO!!!!

(Taya magically sends Jon into Scanra, crowns sensible Roald as king and Liam is heard uttering what sounds like a muffled magic.)

Taya: Alanna, You're up.

Alanna: Okay, I am singing "At the Beginning" from "Anastasia" with George.

George: NO!!

Alanna: _We were strangers,_

_Starting out on a journey._

_Never dreaming,_

_What we'd have to go through._

_Now here we are,_

_And I'm suddenly standing,_

_At the beginning with you._

George:_ No one told me,_

_I was going to find you._

_Unexpected,_

_What you did to my heart,_

_When I had lost hope,_

_You were here to remind me,_

_This is the start._

Alanna&George: _And life is a road I wanna keep going._

_Love is a river I wanna keep flowing_

_Life is a road,_

_Now and forever,_

_Wonderful journey._

_Are we there when the world stops turning?_

_Are we there when the storm is through?_

_In the end I wanna be standing at the beginning with you._

(Everyone is speechless.)

Neal: I didn't know my former knight-mistress could sing.

Kaddar: That was beautiful.

Junai: I do have to say, other than some of the parts where George sang slightly our fo tune, it was pretty good.

Beka: Alanna was great, but George is okay.

Taya: I am supposing they pass?

Judges: Okay.

Taya: Mr. and Mrs. Copper, you're off to the semi-finals.

Alanna and George: WHAT!?!?!

Taya: Oh yeah. Okay, Francis, you're in.

Francis: I don't' know how to sing.

Taya: Bummer. Even Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star would be okay.

Francis: _Twinkle, twinkle little star._

_How I wonder what you are._

_Up above the sky so high,_

_Like a diamond in the sky._

_Twinkle, twinkle little star,_

_How I wonder what you are._

Neal: That was okay.

Kaddar: Eh.

Junai: Um… Not too bad.

Beka: Pass.

Taya: Does he pass?

Judges: We'll see.

Taya: Okay, Liam is next.

Liam: Mmm-hmm. Mo Magim!

Taya: Fine. Eliminated.

(Liam is sent back to the Peaceful Realms.)

Taya: Who's next?

(Buri, Raoul, and Thayet murmur amongst themselves.)

B,R, and T: We'll sing a three part round.

_Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream._

_Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily,_

_Life is but a dream._

Taya: Judges?

Neal: Buri had a weird voice, Thayet was okay, and Raoul is okay.

Junai: Um, es horribles?

Kaddar: That was okay. I agree with Meathead.

Neal: WHAT DID I SAY!!!!

Beka: Beautiful!!!

Taya: We only have two out. You judges need to pick two more to be out.

Neal: Raoul and Buri.

Kaddar: I second that.

Junai: Either Buri, Thayet, or Francis.

Beka: Can't we have a few extra people?

Taya: Okay, Buri and Raoul it is. Sorry. I like the Riders and the Own(including Dom, cough) but it's what the judges say.

(Raoul and Buri shrug and exit the stage.)

Taya: Okay, so the results are Alanna, George, Thayet, and Francis compete for the semi-finals. Who wants coffee?

Everyone: ME!

**Author's Note- I promise to have better songs next time, I promise. This was kinda off the top of my head. Comments, concerns, criticisms?**


	3. Song of the Lioness Reunion 2

**Author's Note: Okay, the singing comp is on. I NEED MORE REVIEWS PLEASE!!! Okay, now that is over let's get back to the competition. P.S. this is the finals.**

Taya opened her eyes to see that it was fifteen minutes before the show, and she was dressed in only her nightshirt. She had to get ready. Fast. Worst of all, the only clean piece of clothing she possessed at the moment was an ugly, fuchsia-colored dress that resembled a potato sack. Oh well. She was going to have to just use her Gift to fix that.

After ten minutes of using her Gift and various charms to make her dress more presentable, she finally managed to get into her now beautifully simple green and brown dress. Quickly, she braided her hair and coiled it around her head, and she was off.

(The curtains rise to reveal a breathless Taya who is indeed flushed.)

Taya: Welcome to our third edition. I'd like to mention that a change has been made, and this is now the finals. Every competitor must sing their own song. Let us begin. Please welcome back Alanna, Thayet, George, and Francis. Please also welcome back our judges, Junai, Meathead, Kaddar, and Beka.

George: By the way, who did you marry, Beka?

Taya: No asking judges personal questions. On with the show. Who's first?

Alanna: I'll go. I'm singing "The Call" by Regina Spekter.

_It started out as a feeling,_

_Which then grew into a hope._

_Which then grew into a quiet thought,_

_Which then grew into a quiet word._

_And then that word grew louder and louder,_

_'Till it was a battle cry._

_I'll come back,_

_When you call me,_

_No need to say good-bye._

_Just because everything's changing,_

_Doesn't mean, it's never,_

_Been this way before._

_All you can do is try to know who you friends are,_

_As you head off to the war._

_Pick a star on the dark horizon, and follow the light._

_You'll come back, when it's over,_

_No need to say good-bye._

_You'll come back, when it's over,_

_No need to say good-bye._

Taya: Comments?

Neal: As always, I NEVER KNEW MY FORMER KNIGHT-MISTRESS COULD SING!

Junai: Amazing.

Kaddar: Wonderful.

Beka: I'm so glad George married you!

Taya: Okay, next. Who's the victim, er I mean volunteer?

(Francis raises his ghostly hand.)

Taya: Okay. Nond, you're up.

Francis: I'll sing, umm, Burnin' Up by the Jonas Brothers

_I'm hot_

_You're cold_

_You go around like you know_

_Who I am_

_But you don't_

_You've got me on my toes_

_I'm steppin' into the lava_

_And I'm tryin' keep from gulfin' under_

_Baby, you turn temperature hotter_

_'Cause I'm burnin' up,_

_Burnin' up for you baby_

_I fell so fast_

_Can't hold myself back_

_High heels, red dress_

_All by yourself_

_Gotta catch my breath_

_I'm steppin' into the lava_

_And I'm tryin' keep from gulfin' under_

_Baby, you turn temperature hotter_

_'Cause I'm burnin' up,_

_Burnin' up for you baby_

Taya: Dear judges?

Kaddar: Whoa! Major improvement! Nice work!

Junai: Okay, that was good.

Meathead/Nealan: STOP CALLING ME MEATHEAD OR NEALAN!!! Anyways, that was pretty good. Unless I want to be kill my former knight-mistress, I am going to say he's second best.

Beka: AWW! I can't believe Tammy let him die!

Taya: OK! Who's next?

Thayet: I guess I'm up. I'll sing Love Story by Taylor Swift.

_We were both young_

_When I first saw you_

_I close my eyes_

_And flashback starts_

_I'm standing there_

_On a balcony of summer air_

_See the lights_

_See the party, the ball gowns_

_See you make your way through the crowd and say hello_

_Little did I know_

_That you were Romeo, you were throwing pebbles  
And my daddy said stay away from Juliet  
And I was crying on the staircase  
Begging you please don't go, and I said  
Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone  
I'll be waiting all there's left to do is run  
You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess  
It's a love story baby just say yes_

Taya: Again, judges?

Meathead: That was okay.

Junai: I actually agree with Meathead.

Kaddar: I join the Meatheads.

Beka: You people are so mean! That was BEAUTIFUL!!!

Taya: O. K. George?

George: (sighs) I'm singing Don't Stop Believing by Journey

_Just a small town girl  
Living in a lonely world  
She took the midnight train going anywhere  
Just a city boy  
Born and raised in South Detroit  
He took the midnight train going anywhere_

_A singer in a smoky room  
A smell of wine and cheap perfume  
For a smile they can share the night  
It goes on and on and on and on_

_Strangers, waiting, up and down the boulevard  
Their shadows searching in the night  
Streetlight people, living just to find emotion  
Hiding somewhere in the night_

_Don't stop believing  
Hold on to that feeling  
Streetlight people_

Taya: Ok.

Junai: Nice.

Kaddar: Not bad.

Meathead: I'll be nice and agree with Kaddar.

Beka: WONDERFUL!!!

Taya: Judges, ten minutes to decide. In the meantime… Enjoy my singing!

_It won't be easy_

_You'll think it's strange_

_When I try to explain how I feel_

_That I still need your love_

_After all that I've done_

_You won't believe me_

_All you will see is a girl you once knew_

_Although she's dressed up to the nines_

_At sixes and seven with you_

_I had to let it happen_

_I had to change_

_Couldn't stay all my life down at heels_

_Looking out of the window_

_Staying out of the sun_

_So I choose freedom_

_Running 'round trying everything new_

_But nothing impressed me at all_

_I never expected it too_

_Don't cry for me Argentina!_

_The truth is I never left you_

_All through my wild days_

_My mad existence_

_I kept my promise_

_Don't keep your distance_

(Taya finishing singing Don't Cry for Me Argentina, and then pulls a few checkerboards out of nowhere, and Kel, Dom, Raoul, Buri, and Daine join them. The judges finally finish judging…)

(Taya opens the envelope and grins.)

Taya: I am pleased to announce that Alanna and Francis tied for first. Thayet was runner up, and George is in third. Fortunately, all of you get prizes. It's a romantic getaway to the beautiful mountains of Galla with your spouses, or in Francis's case, himself.

(Everyone is pretty happy in general, except for a certain mad cousin of everyone's favorite blue-eyed sergeant who was enraged the number of times "Meathead" had been typed in this chapter.)

Taya: See ya next time fellas!

**

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What did you think? Be prepared for a villian's renuion soon.**


	4. Commercials

**Author's Note: Hello lovelies! Thank you to all of my reviewers, and hope more of you review. This is a filler. It's a few interesting commercials. Enjoy.**

* * *

Taya yawned. This was exhausting. She was tired. Well, at least everyone was satisfied with most of the singing match. She just hoped this entire commercials deal would work out. Meathead's idea sounded pretty good, as long as the Stump decided not to joust him, he would live.

Putting down her book, Taya changed into a fresh set of shirt, breeches and tunic. It was time to start.

(Curtain opens, again, to reveal Taya. She looks tired.)

Taya: Welcome! I'm going to let the guests take over, so don't expect to see me again until the end of today. See y'all later.

(She exits, and the lights dim.)

Dom: Do you like calling a certain mad cousin of mine Meathead?

Kel: If you do, then join the Meathead Club!

Merric: If you like driving Meathead mad…

Owen:… then the jollyness never ends!

Cleon: (snores. Owen punches him in the face to wake him up.) Uh? Oh! Hmm, The president is Dom, and Kel is vice.

Seaver, Esmond, Faleron, Roald, Alanna, and a lot of others: JOIN! OR BE PRANKED WITH MEATHEAD!!

Kel and Dom: We are not responsible for any injuries, emotional trauma or counter pranks from Meathead.

(The Meathead club exits with an enraged Neal marching on stage)

Neal: GRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!! DIE, PEOPLE, DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

(Yuki whacks him with her fan. Meathead faints. He is carried away until he is conscious enough to do his commercial. Another group enters.)

Fangirl1: Like, OMG, like seriously, like if you like seriously are like seriously like crushing on your like favorite Tortall dude…

Fangirl2: Then like seriously like join us!

Fangirl3: Like anyone like, Dom (Fangirl1 swoons), or like Jon…

Fangirl4: Or like GEORGE!(swoons)

Fangirls 2,3,5,6,7,8,9: Like seriously, like join the like FANGIRLS CLUB!

Fangirl5: We like talk about them!

Fangirls 6,7,8,9,: We also, like, really, like make like really like awesome plans to take over them!

All Fangirls: Like seriously, like join!

(The fangirls exit and Taya wonders why she ever even let them come. Jon enters.)

Jon: COME TO THE TORTALLAN SIDE! WE HAVE CAKE AND ICE CREAM. THE SCARANS HAVE STINGY OLD SQUIRRELS. COME ONE, COME ALL, COME TO THE TORTALLAN SIDE. WE MAKE ROOM FOR EVERYONE. CAKES AND COOKIES FOREVER DUDES!!!!!! NO YUCKY SQUIRREL FROM INSANE SCARANS!!!! TORTALL RULES THE WORLD.

(Jon exits. Meathead is finally conscious.)

Meathead/Neal: (singing to Für Elise) _We really hate the Stump, we hate the Stump, we hate the Stump. We really hate the Stump, we hate the Stump, we hate the Stump. So join us now, and kill the Stump, so we can rest, so happily. We really hate the Stump, we hate the Stump, we hate the Stump._ KILL THE STUMP! HALLELUAH!

(Neal exits. All Fangirls swoon. Taya enters again.)

Taya: Hope you liked it. Time for low-fat smoothies!

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**Hated, Liked Loved! REVIEW!**

**Fangirls: Like seriously!**


	5. Villians Sing

**Author's Note: Hi again. Since the songs were well liked, I'm going to post another singing competition. If I ever get stuck again, I'll do the commercials. Thanks to all of my wonderful and gorgeous reviewers!**

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Taya made sure, yet again, that her special remote/dagger was in an easily accessible place. With a bunch of villains around, she didn't want to be unprepared. Especially not with Roger, Ozorne, and Blayce around. She shuddered. Why did she even think of a villains' singing competition? Ugh. No use to think about it now.

(Curtain rise to reveal a perky and awake Taya.)

Taya: Hi! Today, it's the bad guys' turn to show their singing skills. (sarcastically)Please generously welcome: Roger of Conté, Blayce, Emperor Ozorne, Princess Imajane, Joren of Stone Mountain, Deirdry Noll, Princess Josiane, Delia of Elderborne, Alex of Tirragen, and Yolane of Dunlath!

(Guests enter. Taya has her remote/dagger ready. She smiles sweetly.)

Taya: Welcome.

Josiane: I'm not singing. (pouts)

Alex: Neither am I.

Taya: (sighs) Fine, you two can be judges.

Rest:(snickers)

Taya: Anyhow, this is a singing competition, but I knew we'd be short of judges, so I also invited Zhaneth Bitterclaws and Ralon of Malven.

(The said enter. The stormwing smells surprising good.)

Taya: I washed her. Let's start. Who's first?

Delia. Me. I'm singing "Potential Break-up Song" by Aly and AJ

_  
It took too long  
It took too long  
It took to long for you to call back  
And normally I would just forget that  
Except for the fact it was my birthday  
My stupid birthday_

I played along  
I played along  
I played along  
rolled right off my back  
But obviously my armor was cracked  
What kind of a boyfriend would forget that?  
Who would forget that?

The type of guy who doesn't see  
What he has until she leaves  
Don't let me go  
Cause without me, you know you're lost  
Wise up now or pay the cost  
Soon you will know

You're not livin' till you're livin'  
Livin' with me  
You're not winnin' till you're winnin'  
Winnin' me  
You're not gettin' till you're gettin'  
Gettin' to me  
You're not livin' till you're livin'  
living for me

This is the potential breakup song  
Our album needs just one  
Oh baby please  
Please tell me

Taya: Judges?

Josiane: (sniffs) Not too bad.

Alex: Hmm. I agree.

Zhaneth: Eh.

Ralon: zzzzzzzz…

Taya: Alrighty, next.

Joren: smugly: I am singing Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Ashley

_We're no strangers to love  
You know the rules and so do I  
A full commitment's what I'm thinking of  
You wouldn't get this from any other guy_

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling  
Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

We've know each other for so long  
Your heart's been aching  
But you're too shy to say it  
Inside we both know what's been going on  
We know the game and we're gonna play it

And if you ask me how I'm feeling  
Don't tell me you're too blind to see

Never gonna give you up  
Never gonna let you down  
Never gonna run around and desert you  
Never gonna make you cry  
Never gonna say goodbye  
Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Taya: Judges?

Josiane: Will you go out with me. I know a really cool café. Nice singing.

Alex: (mutters) Stupid pretty boy. (Aloud) Not too bad. Pretty decent actually.

Zhaneth: That was rather good. I am not biased like a certain goggled-eyed foolish girl though.

Ralon: Nice going chap.

Taya: Okay. I believe Yolane wants to be next.

Yolane: Of course. I am singing If I Had It My Way by Emma Roberts

_Oh Yeah  
Whoa  
I look around and see the possibilities  
you know it's fun to be me  
Never fit the crowd  
Nothing gets me down  
Never scared to dream  
and if I hear something can't be done  
I'm gonna prove them wrong  
make everybody pay believe  
That If I had the chance I could change it (oh oh)  
That's what I am ready to see_

If I had it my way  
I would make new rules, that sounds cool  
People say I am crazy they don't understand who I am  
If I had it my way  
I would change the world, just one girl  
If I had it my way

I've gotta buzz in me  
That no one sees  
It's in the attitude  
(yeah)  
I am gonna find away  
No matter what they say  
I do what I gotta do

Cuz when I hear something can't be done  
That only makes me strong  
It happens every (day) time  
I can take a situation going wrong (yeah)  
and make it turn alright

_  
If I had it my way  
I would make new rules, that sounds cool  
People say I am crazy they don't understand who I am  
If I had it my way  
I would change the world, just one girl  
If I had it my way  
_

Taya: I am bothering to say anything.

Josiane: What awful singing! How can you stand your own voice?

Alex: I can't hear anything.

Zhaneth: That stunk. Even worse than me before my bath.

Ralon: (singing) I am a cow. Moooooooo.

Taya: Ozorne, welcome to the stage. Oh, Yolane, you're eliminated. (Sends Yolane back to jail with remote.)

Ozorne: I need one of those! Must kill! Kill Arram! Kill Veralidaine! KILLLLL!!!!

Taya: Ozorne is insane. I'll ship him off. (Ozorne is gone as Taya presses button.) Who's next?

Blayce: Evil mage at your service. I am singing Right Here Waiting by Richard Marx.

_Oceans apart day after day  
And I slowly go insane  
I hear your voice on the line  
But it doesn't stop the pain_

If I see you next to never  
How can we say forever

Wherever you go  
Whatever you do  
I will be right here waiting for you  
Whatever it takes  
Or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times  
That I though would last somehow  
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears  
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby  
You've got me goin' crazy

Wherever you go  
Whatever you do  
I will be right here waiting for you  
Whatever it takes  
Or how my heart breaks  
I will be right here waiting for you

Taya:...

Josiane: GO OUT WITH ME! THAT WAS BEAUTIFUL, EVEN IF YOU'RE UGLY!

Alex: Way to rock!

Zhaneth: AMAZING! THAT WAS AWESOME!

Ralon: What are we doing?

Taya: Okay. Deirdry Noll is next… Wait! Where is she?

(Everyone looks around. Suddenly, a bloody Deirdry comes out with a dead pigeon and a dagger.)

Taya: Great. No killing here. Disqualified. (Zaps Deirdry to the gallows on Traitor's Hill). Well, Imajane's next.

Imajane: About time. I'm singing Should've Said No by Taylor Swift.

_It's strange to think the songs we used to sing  
The smiles, the flowers, everything: is gone  
Yesterday I found out about you  
Even now just looking at you: feels wrong  
You say that you'd take it all back, given one chance  
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes..._

You should've said no, you should've gone home  
You should've thought twice before you let it all go  
You should've know that word, bout what you did with her  
Would get back to me...  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind  
I shouldn't be asking myself why  
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...  
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me

You can see that I've been crying  
And baby you know all the right things: to say  
But do you honestly expect me to believe  
We could ever be the same...  
You say that the past is the past, you need one chance  
It was a moment of weakness and you said yes...

_You should've said no, you should've gone home  
You should've thought twice before you let it all go  
You should've know that word, bout what you did with her  
Would get back to me...  
And I should've been there, in the back of your mind  
I shouldn't be asking myself why  
You shouldn't be begging for forgiveness at my feet...  
You should've said no, baby and you might still have me_

Taya: Go on.

Zhaneth: Excellent, dearie. I suppose this is aimed toward your husband. I pity the man.

Alex: (sarcastically) I'm trembling. (Normal) Way better than Yolane.

Josiane: I am so glad my ears are healed.

Ralon: I'd hate to be your husband if you can talk with that much expression.

Taya: And lastly, we have Roger.

Roger: (Stiffs) You peasants forgot me. I'm singing Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne

_Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way, I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend_

Hey, hey, you, you, I know that you like me  
No way, no way, you know it's not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you, I want to be your girlfriend

You're so fine, I want you mine, you're so delicious  
I think about you all the time, you're so addictive  
Don't you know what I can do to make you feel alright?  
Alright, alright, alright

Don't pretend, I think you know I'm precious  
And so yeah, I'm a hey, hey princess  
I can tell you like me too and you know I'm right  
I'm right, I'm right, I'm right

She's like so whatever  
You could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everybody?s talking about

Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way, I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend

Hey, hey, you, you, I know that you like me  
No way, no way, you know it?s not a secret  
Hey, hey, you, you, I want to be your girlfriend

I can see the way, I see the way you look at me  
And even when you look away I know you think of me  
I know you talk about me all the time again and again  
And again and again and again

So come over here and tell me what I wanna hear  
Better yet, make your girlfriend disappear  
I don't wanna hear you say her name ever again  
And again and again and again

?Cause she's like so whatever  
And she could do so much better  
I think we should get together now  
And that's what everybody's talking about

Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend  
No way, no way, I think you need a new one  
Hey, hey, you, you, I could be your girlfriend

_  
_Taya: Okay…

Alex: Interesting song. Could've sung it better.

Ralon: umf.

Zhaneth: …

Josiane:…

Taya: I trust you judges have score.

Judges: Here.

Taya: So…(drumroll) Blayce, Joren, Imajane, and Delia have managed to get through! Time to party!

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Liked? Hated?


	6. Who Wins and Their Reward

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who reviewed and if you haven't… Do it! Please! I hope you like this edition. I promise fun.**

Disclaimer: I'm tired of doing this. This is the last one, and it applies the entire story… I only own Taya and whoever else you do not recognize!

Taya nervously tugged on her tunic and breeches. She didn't want any of the remaining four to be on her tail it they were unsatisfied with the score. Maybe she should carry a sword. She'd sparring with Kel and Alanna lately. Or maybe glaive. Taya could now gut Meathead within a blink of an eye. Hopefully, she wouldn't have to. Or maybe she could put a spell on the remote-dagger so that it could turn into a sword or glaive at command…

"Miss Taya, it's gonna start," said Mari at her door. The redhead's curls were bouncing everywhere, and her sharp hazel eyes were darting everywhere. "Them stormwings makin' themselves a ruckus out there, milady."

Taya sighed. No, life was never going to be easy. She just wished it could.

"Got it, Mari. We're on in five."

(Curtains open. A smiling Taya waves.)

Taya: Already, folks. Here we go. May I re-invite Zhaneth Bitterclaws, Princess Josiane, Alex of Tirragen, and Ralon of Malven as our judges, and Blayce, Princess Imajane, Joren of Stone Mountain, and Delia of Elderborne as our final contestants?

(Said enter. Taya fingers remote/dagger/sword/glaive and makes sure it's working.)

Taya: I believe Delia's first.

Delia: Oh yes. I'm singing Because of You by Kelly Clarkson:

_I will not make the same mistakes that you did_

_I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery_

_I will not break the way you did_

_You fell so hard_

_I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far_

_Because of you_

_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side_

_So I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust_

_Not only me, but everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

_I lose my way_

_And it's not too long before you point it out_

_I cannot cry_

_Because I know that's weakness in your eyes_

_I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh_

_Every day of my life_

_My heart can't possibly break_

_When it wasn't even whole to start with_

_Because of you_

_I never stray too far from the sidewalk_

_Because of you_

_I learned to play on the safe side_

_So I don't get hurt_

_Because of you_

_I find it hard to trust_

_Not only me, but everyone around me_

_Because of you_

_I am afraid_

Taya: Should I say anything?

Ralon: (snore)

Josiane: (sniffs daintily) Hmph.

Alex: Hmph. Not too bad Dely. Could improve…

(Delia screeches and turn tomato red at "Dely")

Zhaneth: Keep it up dearie.

Taya: Joren?

Joren: (eyes Taya) Sure. I'll sing Everybody's Fool by Evanescence

_perfect by nature  
icons of self indulgence  
just what we all need  
more lies about a world that_

never was and never will be  
have you no shame don't you see me  
you know you've got everybody fooled

look here she comes now  
bow down and stare in wonder  
oh how we love you  
no flaws when you're pretending  
but now i know she

never was and never will be  
you don't know how you've betrayed me  
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

without the mask where will you hide  
can't find yourself lost in your lie

i know the truth now  
i know who you are  
and i don't love you anymore

it never was and never will be  
you don't know how you've betrayed me  
and somehow you've got everybody fooled

it never was and never will be  
you're not real and you can't save me  
somehow now you're everybody's fool

Taya: (nearly faints)

Ralon:…

Alex: (thinks:_I should have been in this competition..._) Hmph.

Josiane: LIKE SERIOUSLY GO OUT WITH ME! I WILL BE YOURS FOREVAH!

Zhaneth: Did you magick yourself, pink pig?

Taya: (lazily) Next.

Imajane: I'm singing What Hurts the Most by Rascal Flatts

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let ?em out_

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though  
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay  
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go  
But I'm doin' it  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most  
Is being so close  
And havin' so much to say  
(Much to say)  
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'  
What could've been  
And not seein' that lovin' you  
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh  
Oh yeah

Taya:…

Alex: Same as Dely.

Zhaneth: Do you have a secret lover?

Ralon: I want to eat more pie, Mommy.

Josiane: For once I'm glad you're my cousin. We need more awesome Rittevon girls.

Taya: Blayce.

Blayce: I will charm you all with Stand by Rascal Flatts

_You feel like a candle in a hurricane  
Just like a picture with a broken frame  
Alone and helpless  
Like you've lost your fight  
But you'll be alright, you'll be alright_

Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad you get strong  
Wipe your hands shake it off  
Then you Stand, Then you stand

Life's like a novel  
With the end ripped out  
The edge of a canyon  
With only one way down  
Take what you're given before its gone  
Start holding on, keep holding on

_Cause when push comes to shove  
You taste what you're made of  
You might bend, till you break  
Cause its all you can take  
On your knees you look up  
Decide you've had enough  
You get mad you get strong  
Wipe your hands shake it off  
Then you Stand, Then you stand_

Josiane: Freakin' go out with me! I like Jory better though.

Zhaneth: WOW…

Alex: You rule, boyfriend!

Ralon: What am I supposed to say?

Taya: So judges, judge. While we're waiting…

(Taya grabs the mic and starts to sing I'd Lie by Taylor Swift)

_I don't think that passenger seat  
Has ever looked this good to me  
He tells me about his night  
And I count the colors in his eyes_

He'll never fall in love he swears  
As he runs his fingers through his hair  
I'm laughing 'cause I hope he's wrong  
And I don't think it ever crossed his mind  
He tells a joke I fake a smile  
That I know all his favorite songs and

I could tell you his favorite colors green  
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth  
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie

He looks around the room  
Innocently overlooks the truth  
Shouldn't a light go on?  
Doesn't he know I've had him memorized for so long?

He sees everything black and white  
Never let nobody see him cry  
I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine

I could tell you his favorite colors green  
He loves to argue, born on the seventeenth  
His sister's beautiful, he has his father's eyes  
And if you ask me if I love him, I'd lie

(Judges hand Taya an envelope.)

Taya: Drumroll… Great Bonkers! Well, looks like the gentle men here have impress our judges. May I say that Joren and Blayce have tied! Imajane is second, and Delia unfortunately didn't give a placement.

(Delia lunges for Taya, but Taya throws her remote up into the air, utters a few words, and catches as a sword. She calmly places the sword to Delia's throat and presses the disappear button on the hilt. Delia goes back to jail. Imajane, wielding a sword challenges Taya. She nearly gets Taya, but the sword turns into a glaive. She thrusts it into Imajane, causing her to disappear. The entire time, Ralon is waving his report card pom-poms around yelling "Cat fight!" Everyone stares at him after the Imajane and Delia are gone.)

Taya: (awkwardly) Care to explain Ralon?

Ralon: Cat fight!

Taya: Screw it. Well, Imajane is off to her vacation destination, which is the jungles the Copper Isles. You boys are…

Joren and Blayce WHAT!!!!!

Taya:… Spending a month with the King's Own or Meathead eating vegetables and being tortured, whatever you prefer.

Joren and Blayce: (shrug) Whatever.

Taya: I'm pressing the remote…

(Blayce is sent off to Third Company, where they are having fun putting him into fluffy, flowery, pink dresses and corsets and masquerading him as a lady while making him bow, cursty,flirt, and do the stinky laundry and wash Wolset's and Lerant's athlete's foot filled shoes. Joren is being force-feed vegetables by a berserk Meathead and being lectured on chivalry by an insane Kel, Wyldon, and being hit on the head by Alanna and her sword.)

Lerant and Wolset: WE DON'T HAVE ATHLETE'S FOOT!

Taya: I'm off to eat my vegetables and to torture Meathead.

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**What did you think? I'm hoping you'll like to review this. I'd appreciate it. Pretty please? **

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